Pandemic Pondering: Reimagining A Musical Career and Pivoting Toward Your Purpose
by Marianne Brenneman, September 9th, 2020.
We’ve all had some time in the last 6 months to think, probably more than we’ve had in a long time! Has this period allowed you to examine your skills? Your financial situation? Have you found a new interest or reignited an old passion? Have you considered adding another stream of revenue to what you already do? My name is Marianne Breneman and I’m living a dual life as a Clarinetist-Health Coach, one that I never imagined would bring me so much joy. This pandemic time, when the world is shut off from live performances and most “in person” teaching, many musicians are worried about their financial futures: some who were curious about expanding their career options before this, and some who are perfectly happy in their music careers and wouldn’t choose to do anything else. Regardless of where you stand right now, the sudden change to our reality is forcing us to rethink what we do for a living and how we remain satisfied and engaged with music.
Although my life revolved around music from a very young age, the toxic competition, the audition stress, the massive amount of teaching I had to do to make enough money to contribute meaningfully to my family’s income, and the lack of employment opportunities all wore me down to where I began to hate music. I started to want more, to wonder if I could still be a high-level, serious musician and do something else too. The moment I decided there had to be more sticks with me to this day, probably 16 years after the fact.
I had traveled to an audition where I was certain I would do well. I had prepared more intelligently and with more focus than ever before. I had played for multiple people, incorporated their suggestions, done my listening and score study, eaten well, slept well, taken care of my body, and calmed my mind. I was ready.
There was no way I could have played any better than I did that day. I was on stage for a very long time (or at least it felt like it!) and played every excerpt on the first-round list, even a few from the second-round list. It was exhilarating! I walked off the stage feeling great, knowing that I was moving on to the next round. Imagine my shock and surprise when they announced that no one from my round would be advancing. No one.
After four months of intense practicing and mental preparation, and after playing the best I’d ever played at an audition, the realization that it still wasn’t enough really hit me hard. The job of musician isn’t just a job; it’s so much a part of our identity that, for better or worse, our work and our self-worth are intertwined. Usually for worse. I wallowed for a little while but then got back into my daily routine…except it wasn’t really my daily routine. I went through the motions but my heart wasn’t in it. I still taught, freelanced, and practiced but I started to think about doing some other things in life. But what would I do and how would I find something I would love as much as the idea of playing in an orchestra forever? Would everyone I knew think I was a failure or a sell out? I mean, I thought I was a failure so why wouldn’t they?
It’s been said that “You grow through what you go through” and in my case, that has absolutely been true. I started working on my mindset and expanding my skills. I was lucky enough to form a chamber music ensemble with incredible colleagues, and it brought the joy back to music for me. My family made a move to another city, giving me fresh perspective about my likes and dislikes within the music industry, clarifying what I was willing to do and what I wasn’t. I earned a certificate in Arts Management, worked in that field for a few years and realized I didn’t care for it. I was able to move on unapologetically with more skills and confidence. I was finally in a place where I could examine the interests I’d always had but lacked the time to pursue. You grow through what you go through.
Recognizing that my interest in healthy living and fitness could lead me to something new, I became a master certified health coach. Years earlier, I couldn’t see my music training skills being applicable to anything else. I wasn’t in the right space of allowing or openness. Now I was able to see that my skills as an educator, my insane sense of responsibility, my self-discipline from years of practicing, my desire for others to live well and be happy, and my newly acquired business acumen added up to a career that I could love and be proud of. My “hyphenated career” was born and I haven’t looked back since. And, I still have the time to maintain my clarinet skills and I freelance and teach on my terms.
So I ask you now, with all respect and absolutely no judgement: are you completely satisfied with what you are doing with your life? If yes, congratulations and way to go! If not, here are the questions I asked myself along the way to figure things out. My suggestion is that you start a journal where you can free-write, adding things as you go through the process.
1. What kind of work makes me feel personally satisfied?
2. What kind of money do I want to make?
3. What skills do I have besides being good at playing an instrument or singing? It’s important that you take into consideration the skills and personal characteristics that allowed you to become an accomplished musician since these are transferrable to other fields.
4. What kind of hours do I want to keep? Do I want certain days off?
5. Do I have limitations due to my health?
6. Am I willing to seek coaching or training to improve on my current skills?
7. If you want to add an additional job but keep your music career, how would you structure your time to do so? Realistically, what would your schedule look like?
8. If you plan to move away from music, what would you miss? Honesty is important.
9. How can you incorporate the things you love about music into the new life that you’ll be leading?
10. Do you have a supportive partner/spouse/parent/group of friends who will encourage you during this transition? It’s important to identify the people who will cheerlead you!
Answering these questions will most likely lead you to things you haven’t thought about in years: your likes and dislikes, a vision of something you’ve always wanted to do or a vacation you yearn to take but haven’t had the time or resources, your earliest childhood memories of what you’d be when you grew up, and more. Write them down, no matter how silly or far-fetched they may seem now. This will trigger your creativity and lead you to see a bigger picture of how you can blend the music you love with other things that will bring you satisfaction and joy. The key is to be open and receptive to whatever flows from your brain onto the paper.
This isn’t going to be an overnight process and it may be that after you do this exercise, you decide to stay solely in the music field. But I’m betting that creativity and opportunities will flow after you open yourself up to them. Change can be scary and uncomfortable, but so is regret. In this rapidly changing world, it never hurts to keep all your options open. If you take the time to explore them, you might find a joy and satisfaction that you never thought possible. Namaste!
BIO
Marianne Breneman enjoys a hyphenated career as a Clarinetist-Health Coach and is the owner of Mindful Health & Harmony LLC. She holds degrees from Michigan State University, Wayne State University, and the University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music (CCM). She has enjoyed a diverse career in music; playing in orchestras throughout the Midwest and Southeast, participating in music festivals across North America, teaching at colleges and in her private studio, and playing in pits for musicals and touring shows. This diversity has allowed her the flexibility to pursue her passion for sharing health and wellness and she is committed to helping her clients live better lives through nutrition, exercise, and meditation and mindfulness. Marianne enjoys walking really fast, Pure Barre, yoga, travel, cooking, aeroponic gardening, sharing Juice Plus, reading, and spending time with friends. She lives in Raleigh, North Carolina with her husband Brian and their two exuberant golden retrievers, Oliver and Fiona.