You are not your mistakes: addressing musical imperfections without self-judgment

by Dr. Kevin Miescke. Published, May 13, 2022.

For most musicians, self-criticism comes very naturally. We are encouraged early in our development to examine every aspect of our musical performance for imperfections, and to work tirelessly to fix them. While analysis and assessment of our musical product are important, somewhere along the line the differentiation between our musical product and ourselves often becomes blurred. Consider this quote from the landmark book, “The Inner Game of Tennis.”

Instead of judging a single event as “another bad backhand,” [the mind] starts thinking, “You have a terrible backhand.” Instead of saying, “You were nervous on that point,” it generalizes, “You’re the worst choke artist in the club.”[…] It is interesting to see how the judgmental mind extends itself.

Although this passage is talking about tennis, it is easy to see the correlation to music. Instead of seeing a mistake in performance or practice simply as helpful information, we layer on top additional judgment of ourselves. Instead of, “I pushed that high note sharp,” the judgmental mind converts that to, “My high notes always suck.” While we may not agree with this thought from the judgmental mind, allowing these thoughts to permeate our consciousness will only cause us more harm. So how do we acknowledge mistakes and setbacks without negatively impacting our individual self-worth? The answer lies in one of the main teachings of mindfulness: the non-judgmental environment. 

If we are listening to a recording of ourselves and notice that we are rushing a passage of 16th notes, there are two different ways of dealing with this observation. One way is to cast this observation in a negative light, berating ourselves with thoughts like, “I can’t believe how badly that rushed. I practiced that for SO long, how could I STILL screw it up?” This kind of negative reaction to an error is unnecessary, and ultimately does not help us fix the musical error any quicker. The other way of analyzing this observation is through a neutral perspective. This means we listen to the recording, acknowledging the rushing 16th notes as nothing more than information, and use that to help plan our next steps in the practice room. This approach sees errors simply as information instead of judging them as good or bad, removing our own self-worth from the equation. We no longer need phrases like, “I can’t play that line in time to save my life,” or “I hit that note SO flat… how could anyone stand to play with me?” Letting go of these self-chastising thoughts helps to foster the non-judgmental environment. When our default state while practicing and performing is one of non-judgment, we are free to focus on the art of making music, rather than getting tied up in the emotional weight of constant, unnecessary self-judgment. 

In order to have a default setting of non-judgment, we must first work on our awareness to notice unhelpful thoughts worming their way into our consciousness. The best way to accomplish this is through mindful meditation. 

The non-judgmental environment sits at the core of my approach to mindfulness, as well as many others. In a typical mindfulness meditation, the instruction might look like description below. Also, feel free to use this short description for a meditation of your own!

Place your awareness on the sensations of the breath. When you realize you have become distracted, let go of the distracting thoughts with kindness and compassion. Acknowledge that this is not a failure, but simply a part of mindful meditation, and simply return to the sensations of the breath. 

The important thing to notice here is that we all become distracted during a meditation, and the process of realizing that distraction and returning to the object of focus is the point of meditation! Because this process of awareness and redirection is such a main part of mindful meditation, this is a great place to work on cultivating the non-judgmental environment. You can follow this link to access two free guided meditations to download from my website: www.mindfulmusicallife.com/resources 

Another way to work on your awareness of thoughts is through an inner dialog tracking exercise. Choose a day when you are going to be practicing, rehearsing, performing, or a combination of these and pay attention to your inner dialog. Make a note of the kinds of thoughts or mental conversations you have with yourself. What kinds of thoughts arise when you make a mistake? When you identify issues in the practice room, how do you deal with them? Keep track of all of these thoughts and make a tally for negative thoughts and positive/neutral thoughts. This exercise can quickly become overwhelming, so be kind to yourself and see the information you glean as simply that: information. From now on when you notice negative thoughts arising you can ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful?” If it is not a helpful thought, let it go and redirect your focus to something that is. This simple but powerful exercise is a great first step toward cultivating a non-judgmental environment not just in your musical life, but your life as a complete whole.  

Once you become aware of the inner dialog that accompanies your music making, you can begin to retrain your reactions around mistakes and start choosing more helpful responses. This is an important distinction: a reaction is emotional, where as a response is thoughtful. If I miss a note in a difficult passage I am working on, a reaction might be, “Oh, come ON! What is wrong with me!?” Sound familiar? A response might be, “Hmm. That’s interesting. I wonder what could have caused that? I’ll experiment with a few things and see what I can discover.” The emotional reaction places the error on myself, while the thoughtful response looks at the error from a place of curiosity, allowing me to analyze the mistake without entangling my own self-worth. This might seem like a subtle change, but I can tell you from experience that emphasizing non-judgment makes all the difference in the practice room and on stage.

BIO

Dr. Kevin Miescke is a certified instructor in Mindfulness Based Wellness and Pedagogy (MBWP), and has been teaching mindfulness to musicians of all ages, levels, and specialties since 2017. Kevin is an active presenter of mindfulness workshops at universities all around the country including appearances at Oklahoma State University, Eastern Illinois University, University of New Mexico, and Boise State University. Kevin is the founder of Mindful Musical Life, a platform to help teach mindfulness meditation and skills to musicians. You can find out more about his individualized coaching programs and workshops at his website, www.mindfulmusicallife.com